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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 3:33 pm 
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good stuff ^^
...isnt a hair follicle under the skin though where the hair stems from ? twice you called the strands follicles
or are they called that too ?

.....are matt and jake gonna bang ?XD
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Aruko wrote:
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD

Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD

crazed4now wrote:
Arc's children would be the spawn of satan.....


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:19 pm 
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I like it...I think its intriguing...theres some awkward sentence structure stuff I noticed...but of course this is just a draft so no worries XD....also the dialogue seems incorrectly formatted to me...but that might just be how you like your drafts I dont know XD

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:36 pm 
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it isn't correctly formatted, but formatting on DA is a pain in the *ss. XD

And yeah, i know some of the sentences are a tad weird. i tried to keep this pretty loose because it's going to probably undergo the most amount of changes as the story goes on (because it'll be around the longest). It's already pretty different in the word document. I added some dialogue and description. But i tried to keep most of the dialogue simple because (it'll mention it in the next chapter) they're only 11 at this point. Most of the first half's dialogue is planned to be pretty simple and vague because that's how i feel middle schoolers talk. XD
When the adults talk and when the story jumps to them at 18, it'll be more put together.

And arc..... you know me..... >.>
And yes, the follicle is only the part beneath the skin. but he does tug at them... using the hair (like tugging on a balloon via the string). If i used it again... it's probably because i felt like i was saying hair too much. XD

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Kuro Ryu wrote:
crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch

mgold07 wrote:
I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans.


I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:39 pm 
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Ah, how did I miss this topic?

Here's hoping you get better real quick-like, ya? :P


Also, I read through your first chapter. Can't wait for more. Looks like a damn fine hook to me. :)

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Thanatos121 wrote:
So she rapes a guy, then he goes limp, and she takes that as not being loved, so she kills him and takes his ****, and then she psychotically pets the **** "you'll always love me..."


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:49 pm 
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are all the chapters going to be that short?

i was happily surprised it wasnt a huge chapter, not because its bad i just didnt feel like reading it when i did XD

and i hpe they are 18 before they bang XD

yaoi queen Xd


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:53 pm 
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Arc wrote:
are all the chapters going to be that short?
crazed4now wrote:
The rest of the chapters are planned to be longer than this one

^ This was posted right below the actual chapter. Yeah. >.> wtg Arc. :lol


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:58 pm 
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in the deviantart description or on here? i scan read the DA description XD


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:59 pm 
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Arc wrote:
i scan read the DA description XD

ffs mate, it's in the first line. XD


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 7:01 pm 
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i scan read
scan reading only needs me to take in enough to get it all
not enough to retain the information for more than an hour if i wanted that i would have read,read it XD


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 7:04 pm 
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Arc wrote:
not enough to retain the information for more than an hour

Oiya, that's terrible. And I thought my memory was bad. XD


I'm just pokin' at ya. Thought I'd point out the obvious because I'm bored. :P


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 7:07 pm 
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i dont mind, poke all you want XD
you answered my question XD
If i planned to remember it i would i have a pretty good memory if i do say so myself XD


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 7:10 pm 
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Arc wrote:
you answered my question XD

Hmmm.... I suppose this is true. Ha! Fear my question answering ways! :twisted


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:02 am 
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thanks anuy.... for about 4 different things. XD


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:12 am 
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whats the 4rth? o.0


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:14 am 
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Hmmm...

1. Hoping for her well-being.
2. Reading her writing.
3. Poking Arc.



..... Yeah. Not sure about a fourth. =P

Happy to be of service. :D


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