good stuff ^^
...isnt a hair follicle under the skin though where the hair stems from ? twice you called the strands follicles
or are they called that too ?
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD
Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD
I like it...I think its intriguing...theres some awkward sentence structure stuff I noticed...but of course this is just a draft so no worries XD....also the dialogue seems incorrectly formatted to me...but that might just be how you like your drafts I dont know XD
it isn't correctly formatted, but formatting on DA is a pain in the *ss. XD
And yeah, i know some of the sentences are a tad weird. i tried to keep this pretty loose because it's going to probably undergo the most amount of changes as the story goes on (because it'll be around the longest). It's already pretty different in the word document. I added some dialogue and description. But i tried to keep most of the dialogue simple because (it'll mention it in the next chapter) they're only 11 at this point. Most of the first half's dialogue is planned to be pretty simple and vague because that's how i feel middle schoolers talk. XD
When the adults talk and when the story jumps to them at 18, it'll be more put together.
And arc..... you know me..... >.>
And yes, the follicle is only the part beneath the skin. but he does tug at them... using the hair (like tugging on a balloon via the string). If i used it again... it's probably because i felt like i was saying hair too much. XD
[quote="Kuro Ryu"]crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch[/quote]
[quote="mgold07"]If Crazed is my aunt I'm very worried for my sanity...XD[/quote]
[quote="mgold07"]I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans.[/quote]
[quote="cable"]Jimbob is the internet..... No need to change anything [/quote]
I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.
Celebi is like a trophy wife. She's nice to show off to your friends about how awesome you are at catching the good ones, but she really can't do jack **** other than look pretty.
Trooper wrote:
And remember, follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be, reasons be damned.
Thanatos121, during a conversation with Ging about the Zombie Apocalypse wrote:
That's my plan for the zombie apocalypse: steal a tank, attach jets, pick up Tsuki, fly to the moon.
If zombies cant get to you in the ocean there's sure as hell no way they'll get us on the mother****ing moon.
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD
Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD
Celebi is like a trophy wife. She's nice to show off to your friends about how awesome you are at catching the good ones, but she really can't do jack **** other than look pretty.
Trooper wrote:
And remember, follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be, reasons be damned.
Thanatos121, during a conversation with Ging about the Zombie Apocalypse wrote:
That's my plan for the zombie apocalypse: steal a tank, attach jets, pick up Tsuki, fly to the moon.
If zombies cant get to you in the ocean there's sure as hell no way they'll get us on the mother****ing moon.
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD
Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD
Celebi is like a trophy wife. She's nice to show off to your friends about how awesome you are at catching the good ones, but she really can't do jack **** other than look pretty.
Trooper wrote:
And remember, follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be, reasons be damned.
Thanatos121, during a conversation with Ging about the Zombie Apocalypse wrote:
That's my plan for the zombie apocalypse: steal a tank, attach jets, pick up Tsuki, fly to the moon.
If zombies cant get to you in the ocean there's sure as hell no way they'll get us on the mother****ing moon.
i scan read
scan reading only needs me to take in enough to get it all
not enough to retain the information for more than an hour if i wanted that i would have read,read it XD
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD
Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD
Celebi is like a trophy wife. She's nice to show off to your friends about how awesome you are at catching the good ones, but she really can't do jack **** other than look pretty.
Trooper wrote:
And remember, follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be, reasons be damned.
Thanatos121, during a conversation with Ging about the Zombie Apocalypse wrote:
That's my plan for the zombie apocalypse: steal a tank, attach jets, pick up Tsuki, fly to the moon.
If zombies cant get to you in the ocean there's sure as hell no way they'll get us on the mother****ing moon.
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD
Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD
Celebi is like a trophy wife. She's nice to show off to your friends about how awesome you are at catching the good ones, but she really can't do jack **** other than look pretty.
Trooper wrote:
And remember, follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be, reasons be damned.
Thanatos121, during a conversation with Ging about the Zombie Apocalypse wrote:
That's my plan for the zombie apocalypse: steal a tank, attach jets, pick up Tsuki, fly to the moon.
If zombies cant get to you in the ocean there's sure as hell no way they'll get us on the mother****ing moon.
WOOT! Crazed totally loves me!
Quote:
Thanatos121 wrote:
I love you
Crazed wrote:
i love you too, dear. XD
My life is officially complete.
crazed4now
Posted:
Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:02 am
Tetra Elemental
Age: 22
Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Posts: 29,052
Liked Posts: 54
Karma: 1419
Location: probably out killin' peoples
[quote="Kuro Ryu"]crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch[/quote]
[quote="mgold07"]If Crazed is my aunt I'm very worried for my sanity...XD[/quote]
[quote="mgold07"]I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans.[/quote]
[quote="cable"]Jimbob is the internet..... No need to change anything [/quote]
I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.
Though seriously if Im out walking around in the night to ASDA with the pedo/rapist/murderer/psycho of questionable sanity vampy....who do I have to be afraid of? XD
Kuro Ryu wrote:
A warlock? Arc? ... I've heard weirder things about you to be fair actually XD
Celebi is like a trophy wife. She's nice to show off to your friends about how awesome you are at catching the good ones, but she really can't do jack **** other than look pretty.
Trooper wrote:
And remember, follow your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to be, reasons be damned.
Thanatos121, during a conversation with Ging about the Zombie Apocalypse wrote:
That's my plan for the zombie apocalypse: steal a tank, attach jets, pick up Tsuki, fly to the moon.
If zombies cant get to you in the ocean there's sure as hell no way they'll get us on the mother****ing moon.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
<from me
<from rukie
< from shandy
[/quote]
