Tetra Elemental
Age: 21
Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Posts: 28,566
Liked Posts: 39
Karma: 1352
Location: probably out killin' peoples
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When Nobody's Around
Something i made when i was ranting out loud.
When nobody's around,
I'll lay on my bed and stare at my ceiling.
The thoughts run across my mind,
of what i've been doing wrong.
I've noticed over the years,
things about myself that nobody could ever guess.
I've found out that i have different emotions then people see,
different ways of acting to certain people.
I do believe everyone acts different depending on the person,
but i'm not sure who i am inside.
When i find her, my inner self, buried deep within my soul,
she always seems so lonely.
I've talked to her one before,
but she only tries to make me feel miserable.
I can't help but wonder if that's the kind of person i am,
a person who dwells on memories and likes to see other people do the same.
Am i the kind of person,
who's only happy when others are sad?
Inside of me, there's a completely different world,
one only i can imagine.
there's nothingness, everywhere i look,
but i can see two pillars that stand before me.
the one i can see in front of me is strong and independent,
completely unbreakable, though much smaller then the column behind it.
The second pillar is much taller,
but it is built on nothing but my shaken faith and hollowed out beliefs.
At the bottom of the pillars is where i stand,
holding a flashlight that casts a shadow from the first pillar to the second.
The light is dim,
but it works for what i need it for.
I wonder how long i can cast the shadow,
how long before people see the crumpling pillar behind the strong one.
Since my light is dying,
i need more light to make sure people can only see the shadow.
When i finally let people in,
i only see the flashlight in their hand, never the knife they use to hurt me.
Now, i never let people in,
i've learned my lesson, so i will not make that mistake again.
But my light keeps getting dimmer and dimmer,
so how long can i keep this up?
how long can i stand here,
in the same place, with the same goals?
How long until the second pillar falls to the ground,
taking the first pillar along with it?
how long do i have to stand by,
and watch myself pain as every day goes by?
How long do i have to pray for someone,
someone i can trust to stand by me?
How long do i have to try to play nice,
when i hate people more then anything?
How long do i have to fear friendship,
because of the past that hovers over my every move?
Am i doomed,
to spend my life alone in this dark room?
I can't escape, there are no exits,
i've searched many times before.
I can't turn the light off,
i can't let people see the second pillar.
So what is there left to do,
what hope is there for someone like me?
What good is it for me to stay here,
and worry about how to make sure no one worries about me?
I stare at the ceiling and cry,
when nobody's around.
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