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 Mabus |
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Posted:
Wed May 27, 2009 12:55 am |
Elite Soldier
Age: 24
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
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Random stuff
So I just want to write some stuff down so I think I do it here... My paragraph structure sucks and I think I'm a little rusty.... I'll just use Mabus as a name since I like it but this is not about me. Feel free to add you own stuff!
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Just a little excerpt from the world I'm building:
Mabus sat on the snow covered hill and pondered. The snow did not bother him, nor the cold. As a Shivian, he was resistant to such things as the cold, but he thought that since he could not quite feel coldness, he was missing out on something in life and that bothered him.
His father also bothered him. Since the wars, his father had become a cool, calculating man withdrawn from his family and society. He rather enjoyed the company of bottles of dark Rahmun wine, thick and bitter. Two characteristics shared by both and more than Mabus shared with him.
The sun was starting to set even though it was early, what with winter being in the middle of its span and Mabus knew his mother would worry if he wasn't home by nightfall. So with his mother in mind Mabus put on his Ice Wolf fur boots and slipped on his Frost Ogre skin tunic, the only two things his father had ever given him and started the mild walk home.
(Don't know if this should be part of the last paragraph...)
He knew his mother would scold him if she found out that he didn't wear his tunic or boots while he was out in the forest, but he also knew his mother loved him more than anything else.
Suddenly he caught a scent in the wind, a sharp foreign scent for Shivian territory. Smoke. Shivians did not use fire to keep warm because they did need external warmth to survive the cold, a blessing from their goddess Shiva. That could only mean one thing, raiders! With his mother in mind he sped up his pace into a sprint towards his house.
Crap, this story feels... Flat... not enough substance and my writing has gone way down hill... Lost where I was going with this
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RIP Kurt von D. Father figure to me, friend, and all around good human being. (July 22nd, 2010).
~~
And so castles made of sand melts into the sea, eventually
~~
I'm tired of wasting all my precious time
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Foxy lady
~~
You should try and click a couple ads on Funender each day to generate some revenue.
~~
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| Mabus |
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Posted:
Wed May 27, 2009 1:01 am |
Elite Soldier
Age: 24
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 3,958
Liked Posts: 0
Karma: 693
Location: Are you really sure that a floor can't also be a ceiling?
Usergroups:
Funender Royal Court
Sakura no Ai
Two Heads, No Heart
24715 Gil
Items
more...
|
|
(Reserving this post if the story becomes bigger than one post)
|
RIP Kurt von D. Father figure to me, friend, and all around good human being. (July 22nd, 2010).
~~
And so castles made of sand melts into the sea, eventually
~~
I'm tired of wasting all my precious time
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Foxy lady
~~
You should try and click a couple ads on Funender each day to generate some revenue.
~~
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