| 'Lonely' a poem i just wrote.
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 roszondas3 |
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Posted:
Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:46 pm |
Advent Child
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'Lonely' a poem i just wrote.
why? why do i always mess up?
why is it that i always f*ck up?
i try hard to keep her happy.
but in the end she feels crappy.
i feel so confused
i hope i am not being used
i don't know why i believe in my life
she deserves a better with whom to be their wife
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A single life. A single death.
the only good man. is a laughing man. 
my anime list :3 no lifing anime is hard work arigato gozaimas.
http://myanimelist.net/animelist/LxLawliet |
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| crazed4now |
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Posted:
Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:59 pm |
Tetra Elemental
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Wrong section, dear. but on a more critical note:
the flow is really off and the vocabulary could.... be more advanced.
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| Kuro Ryu wrote: |
| crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| If Crazed is my aunt I'm very worried for my sanity...XD |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans. |
I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.
Thanks Aruy!
Thanks Blacky!
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| roszondas3 |
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Posted:
Mon Mar 08, 2010 12:37 am |
Advent Child
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yeah, i know, im gonna work on that, it was about my gf, so, i was really doing it quick
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A single life. A single death.
the only good man. is a laughing man.
my anime list :3 no lifing anime is hard work arigato gozaimas.
http://myanimelist.net/animelist/LxLawliet |
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| crazed4now |
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Posted:
Mon Mar 08, 2010 10:15 pm |
Tetra Elemental
Age: 21
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yeah, it's... obvious that it was quickly written.
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| Kuro Ryu wrote: |
| crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| If Crazed is my aunt I'm very worried for my sanity...XD |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans. |
I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.
Thanks Aruy!
Thanks Blacky!
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| Aruko |
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Posted:
Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:09 pm |
Ultima Weapon
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Yeah I would echo what crazed said...I mean I think a good idea is there but I would work on it some more ^^
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Im strung out on insanity--nature's drug.
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| Starry-chan |
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Posted:
Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:23 pm |
Ultima Weapon
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You should try and expand the poem using imagery as a start. So far, the poem seems to go nowhere...sorry! (>.<)
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Quote of the day: "Evolution has ZERO evidence, otherwise I would have found it by now."
-MalakaiJ from youtube
Pure gold isn't it?
You are Stern the Destructor (星光の殲滅者): Polite, calm and logical...
...But nevertheless extremely dangerous! |
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| crazed4now |
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Posted:
Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:22 pm |
Tetra Elemental
Age: 21
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it's very..... angsty 12 year old....
that's the way i would put it. XD
but it's good if it's your first poem.
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| Kuro Ryu wrote: |
| crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| If Crazed is my aunt I'm very worried for my sanity...XD |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans. |
I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.
Thanks Aruy!
Thanks Blacky!
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| roszondas3 |
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Posted:
Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:37 pm |
Advent Child
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yes, i have done much better than this, i am quite ashamed of myself
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A single life. A single death.
the only good man. is a laughing man.
my anime list :3 no lifing anime is hard work arigato gozaimas.
http://myanimelist.net/animelist/LxLawliet |
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| crazed4now |
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Posted:
Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:23 am |
Tetra Elemental
Age: 21
Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Posts: 28,566
Liked Posts: 38
Karma: 1352
Location: probably out killin' peoples
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momentary anger leads to less than pleasant things. XD
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| Kuro Ryu wrote: |
| crazed is more controlling in a dominatrix kinda way than an annoying kinda way XD It's like everyone listening is Crazed's b*tch |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| If Crazed is my aunt I'm very worried for my sanity...XD |
| mgold07 wrote: |
| I find it good to know that Crazed does not believe in rape and yet does believe in the killing of orphans. |
I'm the official "Mad Fairy Godmother" of the forum.
Thanks Aruy!
Thanks Blacky!
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