| I'm writing a few books and I need your opinions
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 Tifa16 |
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Posted:
Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:25 am |
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I'm writing a few books and I need your opinions
I wanted to not only know if these are good topics but I want to know if they sound the same or if they've already been done before.
1st: Story: Jessica Newburn has just lost both her parents in a tragic accident and has moved in with her cousin Natalie and uncle Joe. She is one of several freshmen starting at Zephyr High School. When she catches the eye of a lecherous teacher things take a turn for the worse but events spin out of control when she suffers another great loss.
2nd Story: Melanie Smith is the new girl in town and started at the same time as the second semester. She seems nice and outgoing but noone would guess the secret she is hiding behind her scars. Her real name is Sophie Worthington and she has spent the past year and a half jumping from place to place. She was placed in the witness program after her father and best friend were murdered by her abusive ex boyfriend. Things may not be as peaceful as she hoped when a new friend winds up in a similar situation and this time it might cost her life.
3rd Story: Celeste Chollet has spent her entire life in a foster home. The only links she has to her past are the letter her mother left and a pendant neither of which she has seen for herself. Like Sophie she has a secret behind the scars she has. She is physically, Emotionally, and Sexually abused by her foster family and others. She is shy and generally afraid of everyone around her because of what happened to her so but that doesn't stop Kevin Wallace from falling for her. She hopes to make it out alive but unless Kevin can put the pieces together she'll be killed.
4th Story: Yuki Hariyama is a Sophmore now but she still can't shake the juvenile rumor her vindictive ex boyfriend David Cho has spread. He calls her easy and the School Bicycle as well as the worst lay he has ever had but there is one little hickup in his gossip she's a virgin and wouldn't go near his zipper even if life on earth depended on it but when the rumor goes too far he winds up at the recieving end of her fury
5th Story: Rhapsody Williams and Leslie Rhinehart were best friends and had been since kindergarten but when a new guy comes they start to fight like cats and dogs. When he realizes they're fighting over him he uses that to his advantage and starts to drive them apart pitting one against the other. Their behavior doesn't go unnoticed for long when someone they would never have thought steps in it could end in tragedy.
6th Story: Melissa Jefferson is now a junior and her life has taken a turn for the worse. With both her parents constantly traveling she is left alone and feeling unloved. She falls in with a group of seniors known for selling, using, and buying all kinds of drugs and soon turns into a user. She misses alot of school and has been hospitalized several times because she comes close to Over Dosing. On one of these occasions she meets a young man named Kieske Yamamoto who is a volunteer at the hospital. He immediately wants to help her because she is so much like the sister he lost to drug abuse the year before but can he pull her out of the destructive spiral.
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| pinataheart |
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Posted:
Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:45 pm |
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They all sound like very good ideas. ^_^ They seem like they would be good reads, and I don't even like books that are tragic or in any way similar to modern, average lives. (I am more of a fantasy guy.) ^_^
Now, I know what you want. You don't just want to hear "They sound good", you want to hear an explaination of why, right? Well I won't go into detail of all of them because they are all trageties and I would repeat myself over and over. They are all very dramatic and look like they have very many potential plot twists. Just make sure that there are a few shimmering glances of hope inbetween the horrible problems, or the changing for the worse will become a constant, making the paper's flow too easily predictible, meaning that it would be pure depression, and if something is purely one emotion, then it is void of drama.
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| Tifa16 |
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Posted:
Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:13 pm |
Ragnarok
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Okay thanks for the pointers I'll keep those ideas in mind
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| Wras |
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Posted:
Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:21 pm |
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1st: Story: Sounds pretty interesting, while it's not 'new and unique' it's not tired and overdone either but I'd like to know more about what it's about to give a better verdict.
2nd Story: I know someone named Mel Smith! Also, with all due respect, this seems like the kind of story I've seen elsewhere, but as I said before it's not like everyone and their mother has written about this, and tried and true is tried and true for a reason. Try to add some unexpected twists but there's potential.
3rd Story: This is actually great, but try not to make the character a sympathy generator, just watch out for the pitfall of overloading the character with faults and leaving little room for discovery. Other than that though this is a good idea!
4th Story: Same as the second one, but less so. I don't really have a criticism except for the fact that I might not be interested in this particular genre.
5th Story: Interesting indeed; no real comments.
6th Story: Oh this is probably your most interesting (sorry if that sounds overly critical) it's got a lot of reality and depth and all the makings of a great story- all of them do.
That's about it with such limited information. I'm very intrigued and, one writer to another: best of luck.
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| mgold07 |
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Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 12:49 pm |
Ragnarok
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A few intreresting concepts, but, like ednekind I don't really like modern, I prefer fantasy and sci-fi  , but, still seem pretty good 
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[quote="Tmnzklan"]no why would i help mgold- we cant go five posts before starting to fight![/quote]
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| Lara |
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Posted:
Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:48 am |
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I am not really into reading these types of books. I mean I do like tragedies and stories of reality, but ones that have more depth and a new remarkable main idea. As for your stories; in my opinion the 4th and 5th stories won’t be noticeable, I don’t know if you are going to add something to them or what, but the main idea itself doesn’t sound outstanding. I liked the mystery I found in the 2nd and 3rd ideas, but I found the 6th story better than the rest. However it’s still not that interesting, I think it would be better if you add some of the mystery factor from the 2nd and the 3rd ideas to the 6th. You know; make her past takes a major part in the situation she ended up in; other than her parents…
If you’re going to go with the 6th; I recommend you to stay away from making it so dramatic, add as many twists as you want, but try not to make it so dramatic; it would end up as an idiotic drama and that’s all it’s going to be. Also; I think it would be interesting to add many secondary characters, but not so many, and make the role of her parents more important, just in order to make the story more unpredictable.
In my opinion; it would be more interesting if the story would end tragically, not only by the affect of the drugs on her, but because of other elements the writer, you, may add. And by ‘tragically’ I don’t necessarily mean death; that’s so predictable and kind of old fashioned, it could be anything else. But like endnekind said; make sure that there are glances of hope in-between the horrible problems.
That's just my opinion. I hope it made some sense, I would have explained it better to you if my English is better than this.
Keep writing and always carry a notebook wherever you go, and maybe one day you will write and publish a book. I would buy it. Good luck 
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| Cecil the Paladin |
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Posted:
Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:35 pm |
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Sadly, like near everyone else who has posted, the tragedy/very dramatic genre is not one that suits me. That doesn't mean I can't give small critiques though. 
1. As was said, this general idea (high school student, bad teacher, + another tragedy to top it all off) has been done many times before. I like it, but it is far too familiar to me.
2. It kind of sounds like you are just explaining the first girl's story from the second's point of view the whole time. More interesting then number 1, I gotta say, but still, not the best of the 6.
3. Much better then the first 2, mainly because it seems like mystery plays a much bigger roll, like you won't quite know how it will all end (when in truth, you can get 100 pages into most books anymore and predict how it will end). This one has some potential for sure.
4. To be honest, if I read number 4 as the synopsis for a book, I probably would not read it. I hear all the gossip I need to in real life like this without having to read it in a book.
5. Cliche alert! I'm sorry, but this idea is as old as time itself, you will grab near no one's attention with a book about a person breaking two friends up. It is a very overdone and very washed up topic. In my opinion, avoid this one at all costs. As I said, I go to school, I see this book in live action every week.
6. The best of all of them in my opinion. You stay away from sexual/parental/any kind of abuse (besides drug abuse obviously), and it is just a more of something that I as a reader enjoy.
A little advice for it as a whole:
All of these have been done before, one way or another. It is on the brink of impossible to come up with something that is your own idea anymore. The thing is, you, as a writer, gotta put your own twists on all of these. Maybe try writing a couple chapters of all of them. Have someone else read them, or even just read them aloud to yourself to see which sounds best.
Sorry if I was a bit harsh on a couple of those, but as someone who has read quite a few books, I just need something new.
I barely read anymore, as most books are just something I've read before with different names and locations.
As I said though, don't give up on any of these (even ones that need major revamping, or even possible scrapping) until you know how they sound on paper.
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| Red_Mage18 |
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Posted:
Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:52 am |
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From what I understand is that there are more to the stories than what the reviews say, she was trying not to reveal too much. What I thought was interesting is these started out as final fantasy fanfics but she changed them because they didn't sound good with FF characters.
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| mgold07 |
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Posted:
Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:50 am |
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Well, we were just goin' on what we were given
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[quote="Tmnzklan"]no why would i help mgold- we cant go five posts before starting to fight![/quote]
[quote="Wing"]sure, i'll bend them forward, hold a cup of tea and ask if they like today's weather while banging[/quote]
Le Awesomes <-, Many thanks
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| Lara |
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Posted:
Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:07 am |
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| Red_Mage18 wrote: |
| From what I understand is that there are more to the stories than what the reviews say... |
The main idea is the essence of the story 
If the main idea isn't catching no one would buy the book. She needs to be more creative.
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| mgold07 |
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Posted:
Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:13 am |
Ragnarok
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True, true, if the main idea doesn't grasp us, why read the book? O.o?
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[quote="Tmnzklan"]no why would i help mgold- we cant go five posts before starting to fight![/quote]
[quote="Wing"]sure, i'll bend them forward, hold a cup of tea and ask if they like today's weather while banging[/quote]
Le Awesomes <-, Many thanks
[url=http://www.anime-planet.com/users/mgold07]
Backloggery
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| Riku |
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Posted:
Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:57 pm |
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Firstly. Writting "a few books"? I don't use this expression much, but... Lol.
| Tifa16 wrote: |
| 1st: Story: Jessica Newburn has just lost both her parents in a tragic accident and has moved in with her cousin Natalie and uncle Joe. She is one of several freshmen starting at Zephyr High School. When she catches the eye of a lecherous teacher things take a turn for the worse but events spin out of control when she suffers another great loss.. |
Main character being an orphan. Well, other than 95% of all RPGs and Fantasy Stories, yeah. That's original. Not interesting.
| Tifa16 wrote: |
| 2nd Story: Melanie Smith is the new girl in town and started at the same time as the second semester. She seems nice and outgoing but noone would guess the secret she is hiding behind her scars. Her real name is Sophie Worthington and she has spent the past year and a half jumping from place to place. She was placed in the witness program after her father and best friend were murdered by her abusive ex boyfriend. Things may not be as peaceful as she hoped when a new friend winds up in a similar situation and this time it might cost her life.. |
Sounds... normal. Overused, but normal. At least it isn't THAT uninteresting. I wouldn't pay to read it, but I'd gladly read it for free in my spare time.
| Tifa16 wrote: |
| 3rd Story: Celeste Chollet has spent her entire life in a foster home. The only links she has to her past are the letter her mother left and a pendant neither of which she has seen for herself. Like Sophie she has a secret behind the scars she has. She is physically, Emotionally, and Sexually abused by her foster family and others. She is shy and generally afraid of everyone around her because of what happened to her so but that doesn't stop Kevin Wallace from falling for her. She hopes to make it out alive but unless Kevin can put the pieces together she'll be killed. |
Not interesting. Read up to "physically emotionally, and sexually abused by her foster family", then got bored.
| Tifa16 wrote: |
| 4th Story: Yuki Hariyama is a Sophmore now but she still can't shake the juvenile rumor her vindictive ex boyfriend David Cho has spread. He calls her easy and the School Bicycle as well as the worst lay he has ever had but there is one little hickup in his gossip she's a virgin and wouldn't go near his zipper even if life on earth depended on it but when the rumor goes too far he winds up at the recieving end of her fury. |
Plain boring.
| Tifa16 wrote: |
| 5th Story: Rhapsody Williams and Leslie Rhinehart were best friends and had been since kindergarten but when a new guy comes they start to fight like cats and dogs. When he realizes they're fighting over him he uses that to his advantage and starts to drive them apart pitting one against the other. Their behavior doesn't go unnoticed for long when someone they would never have thought steps in it could end in tragedy.. |
Uninteresting, overused, boring. Don't do it. Please.
| Tifa16 wrote: |
6th Story: Melissa Jefferson is now a junior and her life has taken a turn for the worse. With both her parents constantly traveling she is left alone and feeling unloved. She falls in with a group of seniors known for selling, using, and buying all kinds of drugs and soon turns into a user. She misses alot of school and has been hospitalized several times because she comes close to Over Dosing. On one of these occasions she meets a young man named Kieske Yamamoto who is a volunteer at the hospital. He immediately wants to help her because she is so much like the sister he lost to drug abuse the year before but can he pull her out of the destructive spiral. |
I'm starting to notice a pattern here. It's a cliché. Oh, and by the way, the japanese name would be "Kisuke", unless he was half Russian, half Japanese. Too much dubbed anime does that.
Can't blaim you for anything though. Like Cecil said, it's hard to be creative, and doing something unique because there are so many good, creative writters out there. I would reccomend focusing on ONE story, and thinking DEEPLY about it. Use marketting skills as an advantage. If you can't or won't avoid using cliché topics, then use a topic that people are interested in. Think of a book that you've read before (IF you've read before), and think up of what twists you feel could have happened, that didn't. Take an existing story and raise it to a whole new level.
If all else fails, write crappy poems on blogspot.
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| Red_Mage18 |
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Posted:
Thu Dec 04, 2008 8:30 pm |
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*moderated*
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| mgold07 |
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Posted:
Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:19 am |
Ragnarok
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Red-mage...calm down, at least she doesn't lie about what she believes. Tifa wished for opinions and criticizm, and even if Riku made something worse than this and someone posted what she posted, she would learn from her mistakes and better herself/her work. That's what she's trying to make tifa do, by giving her her own thoughts and opinions shes helping, so stop trolling red_mage and grow up. Just had to clear that up, ugh, bakka.
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[quote="Tmnzklan"]no why would i help mgold- we cant go five posts before starting to fight![/quote]
[quote="Wing"]sure, i'll bend them forward, hold a cup of tea and ask if they like today's weather while banging[/quote]
Le Awesomes <-, Many thanks
[url=http://www.anime-planet.com/users/mgold07]
Backloggery
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| Lara |
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Posted:
Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:34 am |
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| Red_Mage18 wrote: |
| *moderated* |
If a person asks for others’ advices; they have to be ready to listen to different opinions, criticisms, and judgments whether they agree or not, and then they can take an action based on a personal opinion considering others’ criticisms. Asking for an advice is asking others to be straightforward and honest. Especially when it’s about an object that’s being made for others, like the case of a “book”; others will read it so their opinion is highly important.
I am just clearing out a personal opinion.
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