| God, Man, and Kirbies
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Wed Sep 14, 2005 1:25 am |
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God, Man, and Kirbies
Edited for easier reading: Don't try to read everything. I got lazy and just posted everything. My bad. I'll wait until everyone finishes reading these parts first before I move on and paste the continuing parts.
(Note: No offense to any religious folk since I am one so take a joke ole chap. And sorry to any religious figures hurt by ze blasphemy)
In the Beggining There Was NOTHING!
But then God appeared
__(^*_*^)__
God: This sucks. Turn on teh lights!
And there was lights and it was good. And on the next day...
__<(*_*<)__
God: Heavens and Earth and Space and 8 different colors of BLUE!
And there was Earth and Space and 8 Different colors of Blue and it was good. The next day...
. . . . . .. ....
.. . (Ż) . .. . . .
... ... .. . ... .
.. . .. . .. . . .
__<(*_*<)__
God: Now we're getting somewhere. I need a swimming hole so heres teh waters and the plants and stuff.
And there was stuff, and it was good. God separated the waters to create oceans and the lands to create continents. The next day...
__<(*_*)>__
God: Animals and vodka
_____^
___(_' m m)&
Pig: ROAR!
And the stinky animals and alchohol were created
__<(*_*)>[Ż]__
God: It's good
Yes. A few more days of creation pass...
_______^
__~(n n*-)__<(*_*<)__
Cow: Moo!
God: I hear ya
_______^
__~(n n*-)__<(*_*<)__
Cow: *Grazes*
God: *Sigh* We need some intelligent beings. I'll make them like me.
__(>*_*)>__(__)
God: Make it out of clay
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)__
God: You shall be called Adam, and you shall * and it will be good
__<('_'<)__
__(>'_')>__
__<('_'<)__
__(>^_^<)
Adam: *FAP FAP FAP*
__(>\_/)>__
God: THAT'S NOT *! Argh, I'll rip out your ribs!
And the ribs become Eve, the first woman. And Adam stopped his hobby and got a new one...
__(>^(>^_^)>__
Adam: And it was GOOD!
And God Came down
|(>*_*)>|
God: I hate elevator music. It's not good
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)__<(`_`<)__
God: Adam and Eve, you shall farm the land, name the animals and rule this Garden. Just DON'T touch the apple tree.
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)__<(`_`<)__
Adam: Why not?
God: Don't question thy Lord
__(>'_')>__<(`_`<)__
Adam: Geez Waleez
Eve: I know, tightass
__(>`_`)>__>')====>
Snake: Hey, eat the apple
Eve: Well God told me not to but I guess it will be alright to delibratly break his only rule
__(>\_/)>__@<(`_`<)__
Adam: Are you breaking God's law?
Eve: What's he going to do? Smite us?
__(>'_')>@__@<(`_`<)__
Adam: Most likely. But hey, these are good
Eve: Yep
And Adam and Eve realized their nakedness
___(>'_')>__<(`_`<)__
Adam: Yay! Boobies!
Eve: Cover thin self with these leaves
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)__<(`_`<)_
God: Why are you covering your nakedness
Adam: Because it's wikked to let your wang hang out
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)__
God: Did you eat from the apple tree?
Adam: Err...
__(>*_*)>__(>O_O)>__<(`_`<)__
Adam: She made me do it! THE HEATHEN!
Eve: What? No it was the serpant
__(>*_*)>__>')=====>
God: Serpant, you shall be hated by all like that guy whose not invited to the party but comes anyways and starts hitting on your sister
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)___<(`_`<)__
God: And you 2! You're banished from the Garden and such and such
__(>\_/)>__<(`_`<)__
Adam: This is all your fault!
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Posted:
Wed Sep 14, 2005 1:18 pm |
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That hurt my brain.
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| Thorlord |
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Posted:
Wed Sep 14, 2005 2:41 pm |
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MY GOD i cant read all of that..
got to the line:
"The E True Hollywood Story: Satan, Prince of Darkness "
and stopped.
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| Trooper wrote: |
| ya know thorlord, because of you i darn near blew cocacola out my nose at work today, ... on the phone ta boot! lol |
My Blog Book:
The Adventure Story of Ene
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| Guest |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:13 am |
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And so Adam and Eve made their way through the tough world and gave birth to 2 children- Cain and Abel. They both worked hard and then in the harvest gave gifts to their lord
__(>^_^)>___||<(-_-<)__[Ż]<(-_-<)__
God: You didn't have to!
__(>*_*)>|||<(-_-<)__
Cain: It's part of this year's crops, my lord
God: What? You think I can't make these myself? LAME
__(>^_^)>[Ż]<(-_-<)__
Abel: It's a 'World's Best God' Coffee Mug
God: I love it!
__(>^_^)>__<(\_/<)_
Abel: Haha! God liked my gift more than yours!
Cain: Grr!
__<('_'<)__<(\_/<)__
Cain: What's that?
Abel: What?
__<(O_O<)--<(\_/<)
STAB!
__(x_x)__(>^_^)>__
Cain: Heheh-
__(x_x)__(>O_O)>__<(*_*<)_
Cain: God, I- I
God: Why has your brother's blood been spilt?
__(x_x)__(>-_-)>__<(*_*<)_
Cain: Because I stabbed him, duh
God: Oh that's it! You're so punished for this
__(>O_O)>__<(*_*<)_
Cain: I demand a trial!
God: What?!?
__<(*_*)>__
God: Should've stopped on the 5th day
So they went to trial. But since there was only 4- err.. 3 people in the world, and all of them were peasants, there was only one source for a lawyer...
__(___)
__(>o_o)>___<('_'<)__
Lucifer: Sure, I can represent you. All it will cost is YOUR SOUL!
Cain: Do I even use it?
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:14 am |
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The Trial Begins
LAW AND ORDER: The Book of Sony Genesis
__(>'_')>__<(*_*<)__
God: Cain, you better drop this case or I'll ****ing smite you
Cain: You bring up a good point
__(___)
__(>\_/)>__<(*_*<)__
Lucifer: Stop badgering my client
God: Hey, aren't you that loser who I kicked out of Heaven for being such a *
__(___)
__(>o_o)>__<(*_*<)__
Lucifer: Yeah, and don't you think that hurt my feelings? I mean, the only way I can get your attention is by being evil.
__(___)
__(>o_o)>__<(*_*<)__
God: Yeah and you're doing a cruddy job. If this is what you call 'Evil' then Armeggeddon will be a real one-sided battle
God would regret these words. Satan can be vicious. I mean, ever seen 'The Excorsist'? I mean, that girl was barfing and crap. That's just ****ed up
All the newspapers though God would lose. Yes, the only one. Published in Africa by pigmes. But God came through and WON it! The newspapers were recalled for their mistake
|Dewey Wins|
_(^*_*^)
__(___)
__(>o_o)>__<(;_;<)_
Lucifer: Don't feel bad kid. The court went easy on ya', you only get an eternity of Purgatory when you die.
__(>'_')>__
And Cain wandered Earth. What was the next story in the Bible? I mean, it's been a while and whatnot. Shut-up.
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:16 am |
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(Yeah I was going to do Noah. There might be a few stories before but they probably aren't as fun)
Mankind had grown. Adam and Eve Begath 900 Children (Yowza that's a lot nookie!) And their Children Begath some others Blah Blah Blah. There's was much Begathing. Like Rabbits. But not all was good
_(>#_#)>__
Noah: *Sigh* I'm the only one who still believes in God.
Indeed, the world was full of Sorrow. And Pain. And LUEsers.
__<(*_*)>__
God: Me damnit! Those stupid humans have ruined my beautiful planet with Sex, and Bloodshed, and McDonalds.
__(>*_*)>__
God: Except for that Noah guy. I'll just save him and his family while I drown the heathens
So his voice came to Noah and told him to build a giant boat
__<(#_#)>__
Noah: Why the hell would I build a boat? I mean, there's no ocean for miles.
__<(#_#)>__
God: Don't question my will. And on this boat you'll place 2 of each animal, except the Dodos. Screw those stupid little birds.
__<(#_#)>__
God: Also, animal Viagra. To insure animal propragation.
So Noah built a boat. All the heathens called him crazy
__(>'_')>__
Sinner: Oigh, old man Noah's off his rocker. Building a boat and talking about an everloving God who awards the good
__<('_')>
Sinner: Well, it's 5o Clock. Time to rape children
And soon, the Ark was built
________[ŻŻŻ]
__\ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ|
___\_______________|
__<(#_#<)__
Noah: I christen it the 'Titanic'.
__<(^_^)>__
Noah: Hehehe, I said ti-
God: NOAH!
And Noah Gathered the animals. Even the Sasquatch and the Michael Jackson. All was good
__(>\_/)>__
Noah: It smells ****ing horrible!
And he was happy
__(>\_/)>__
Noah: This sucks, screw you God!
AND HE WAS HAPPY
__(>#_#)>_
Noah: Fine, I'm effing happy, ok
He gathered his family, food, and supplies. Then it started to rain. The one weatherman in the land was rich. Sadly he died 40 days later when he realized that he had a hard time breathing water. Noah was stuck on his boat, and it was no Disney cruise I tell you that
________[ŻŻŻ]
__\ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ|
___\_______________|
__<(#_#)>___
God: Noah..
Noah: Oh it's you
__<^>(\_/)<^>__
Noah: Thanks for ****ing ending civilization as we know it and sticking me on a boat.
__<(#_#)>__
God: Noah, Noah, Noah, would you be happy if I bought you a Chia Pet?
Noah: A Mr. T one, and I'll take back those insults about Mary
More about Noah and his lame story in a minute, but first...
The E True Hollywood Story: Satan, Prince of Darkness
__(___)
__(>o_o)>__
Satan: The first few years on Full House were great but the Producers fired me after I ate the third Olsen Twin
See the secret story of Sex, Drugs, and Midgets
__(___)
__(>o_o)>__
Satan: It was around that time God started this whole 'The Devil is the source of all Evil'. I mean, it's true but it still hurts.
Maybe you've already seen it
__(___)
__(>o_o)>__
Satan: I just got addicted to GUY Chips, then those bastards discontinued them. Don't think that hasn't had reproductions.
And a live musical act by his friend, a certain evil Arab that that may or may not be living in a cave
__(>-_-)>__
Guy: What if Allah was one of us? Just a Jihad on a bus.
________[ŻŻŻ]
__\ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ|
___\_______________|
Noah had been at sea for months, with no one but his ugly family and the animals. He locked himself in his cabin and soon went insane...
__(>#_#)>__
Noah: I GET Andy *. He's just so quirky and WILD! Wooh!
Well I don't know if that counts...
__<(#_#)>__
Noah: Those 'Jamster' commercials have THE best custom ring tones
Ok, now I'm convinced
_(>*_*)>__
God: Noah is getting pretty ****ed up down there, maybe I should do something...
_(>*_*)>__<('_'<)~_
Angel: Hey, did you hear about Gabrie-
God: STOP!
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)~_
God: Hammer time
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)~_
__(>*_*)>__<('_'<)~_
Angel: Uh....
__(>*_*)>______<('_'<)~_
Angel: *Backs off slowly*
Everyday Noah sent out a pigeon or some other sort of flying rat. Every day it would search for land and not find any. So Noah ate it.
__<(#_#)>__
Noah: What?
Soon the Ark crashe landed on a mountain side
__(>*_*)>__<(#_#<)__
God: Noah, I promise never to flush the metephorical toilet on Earth again.
__(>*_*)>__<(#_#<)__
God: To prove it, there shall be a rainbow, and it shall be my ribbon of promise, peace, and man I hate this script.
___/ŻŻ\
__./ / \ \ \
__/ / _ \ \ \
__<(*_*<)__<(#_#<)_
Noah: Doesn't get much fruitier than that.
God: Now you see why I left it on Earth, for you suckers
And God left, in his spaceship
__<(#_#)>__
Noah: Uhh....
And Noah became old. After having buttsecks with everything that moved, soon he repopulated the Earth some how. And they say Viagra didn't exist in the old days.
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:18 am |
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__(>*_*)>__
God: La la laa la la de da
__(>*_*)>___<('_'<)~__
Female Angel: My Lord, you should see this.
God: Rowwrrr!
__(>*_*)>___<(\_/<)~__
Female Angel: My head is up here!
God: Hey lady, I created the heavens and Earth. I'm Alpha and Omega, *****. I can do what I want, when I want.
__<(\_/<)~__
Female Angel: *Grumble* 7thdaygotdrunk *Mumbling* createdFOX *Hate talk*
__(>*_*)>___<('_'<)~__
God: What?
Female Angel: I said you should see what the humans are doing.
___/ŻŻŻ\
__./____\
__/_____\
_./______\
_/_______\
God: Aw look at that nice tower over there.
__(>^_^)>[]__(>^_^)>[]__
People: Building a tower, that's what we do. Goin' to invade heaven and take it too! They got W ... W - M - Ds!
__(>*_*)>___<('_'<)~__
God: How do they know about my stockpile?
Angel: Their king has decided that he wants more land- in Heaven.
__(>\_/)>___<('_'<)~__
God: Those bastards! How could they do such a thing? I'll Kill 'em!
Angel: Well sir, the last part of the Bible was a flood so I think you might want to do this one without mindless killing?
__(>*_*)>__
God: Indeed. I have a great idea...
_(>*_*)><_(>^_^)>[]___(>^_^)>[]___
God: KAZAMM! Now you're French!
__(>O_O)>[]___<(\_/<)__
French Guy: Les un blei?
Worker: He's FRENCH! GET HIM!
___<(O_O<)___<(\_/<)_<(\_/<)_<(\_/<)_
French Guy: Le Surrendru! Le Surrendru!
And ever since, there have been French People. Let that be a lesson: If you mess with God, stuff like that happens.
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| Stappy |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:49 am |
Omega Weapon
Age: 25
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KIRBY!!!!
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| *~Rose wrote: |
| Is it fate that everything out of Stappy's mouth is awesome? XD |
STAPPY'S PODCAST |
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| SunsetSea |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 5:31 am |
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--/(O_o)\
--\(___)/
Kirby.....  I love me some KIRBY!
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 <----I must say Haine is the best!
The Sig of the Month Contest?!
New styles rock!
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| Stappy |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:56 am |
Omega Weapon
Age: 25
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lmao! that was actually pretty good. I loved it!
But you left out one very important thing...
You NEED to have one kirby open his/her mouth...then breath in and SUCK UP another creature, until you do that they are not kirby's!
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| *~Rose wrote: |
| Is it fate that everything out of Stappy's mouth is awesome? XD |
STAPPY'S PODCAST |
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| Guest |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:40 am |
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I didn't create that comic. It's made by a guy named psycho mantis from Gamefaqs.com Random Insanity
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| SunsetSea |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 3:55 pm |
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Well, he is amazing!
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<----I must say Haine is the best!
The Sig of the Month Contest?!
New styles rock!
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| Guest |
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Posted:
Thu Sep 15, 2005 9:18 pm |
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Waomg! Lots of text there. Seems amusing though...just too lazy to read it all.
On the first day, God created vodka, and He said it was good.
On the second day, God created light, and He said, "AHHH! TOO MUCH LIGHT!"
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Posted:
Fri Sep 16, 2005 1:38 am |
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Yep the guy is amazing.
You should have seen it in Gamefaqs format and read some of the comments.
It's acutally better that way since it felt like a developing story.
Eventually some guy posted the whole story (up to a point)
and well it takes away the appeal a bit but the funny is still there.
Anyone prepared for the next part of the Kirby Bible?
btw Sun, how did you get your avi to go that size. I thought avis had a limit.
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| SunsetSea |
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Posted:
Fri Sep 16, 2005 1:46 pm |
True RPG Fan
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They do. Sometimes when poisened they enlarge.
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<----I must say Haine is the best!
The Sig of the Month Contest?!
New styles rock!
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