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| The Seven Soul Keys
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 zamikari |
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 Posted:
Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:42 pm |
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The Seven Soul Keys
The Seven Soul Keys is a story that i have been writeing for some time and i hoping to get it published but that may be hard at 15 years of age. But i am not yet done with it. Well here is what i have for it so far hope you like it 
The seven soul keys
In the ancient times in the world of lacogra there was a war. This war was cause because the different races wanted power over one another. Because of this thirst for power the the seven soul keys were made each one with a specific element in it. The elements were fire, wind, water, ice, sprit, metal, and wood. Theses keys with there elements made the race’s terrains change to adapt to the element. Therefore causing the climates and weather to change. This caused the strive for resources. Little did the races know that when combined the keys opened a portal. This portal would take you to a place depending on what you were like towards others. The races were the human, purya (vampires), Lugaro (wolf or werewolf) wyvrag (half wveran half dragon). Werepire (half werewolf half vampire) Weredragons (werewolf/dragon) dark elves. If you had a dark heart and went through the portal then you were taken to a place where the dead were the living and the living were the dead. Trees wilted, thunder clouds always present. The darkness had an absolute hold on the world that was hollowvale.
Chapter one
The beginning
It was beautiful today in Hollowvale Birds were singing. The Winds was blowing just enough to make trees whistle a soothing tune. There was nothing but sunshine and clean air. “Time to get up Takota” Said Yuna.
Takota shifts a little in his bed then falls out of it and hits his head. Yuna hears the thump and rushes into Takota’s room. “Are you ok?” “I am ok” Takota said with a smile. “You better hurry or you will be late for your training at the guild.” “I know” Takota said as he rushed to get his training outfit on then rushed out the door.
Chapter two
The awakening
Takota was walking down the road to his friends’ house. Just as he was about to open the door his Friend Zamikari Opened the door and bumped into him. Zamikari looked down. “Sorry Takota” Zamikari said helping him up. “Ready to go?” asked Takota. “Yea” said Zamikari. They both ran to Guild. “State your business” Asked the guard. “we are here to start our training” Said Takota and Zamikari at the same time. “open the gates” said the guard. They both ran into the guild. “ah there you two are I was wondering when you would show up” said the guild master.
Chapter three
To be continued
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| Lord J |
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Posted:
Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:23 pm |
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Age: 18
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Would I be correct in assuming that chapters 1 and 2 are incomplete? If they aren't then you're going to end up with a huge amount of chapters.
Also, some minor grammar changes:
| zamikari wrote: |
Chapter one
The beginning
It was beautiful today in Hollowvale, the birds were singing, the wind was blowing just enough to make trees whistle a soothing tune and there was nothing but sunshine and clean air.
“Time to get up Takota” Said Yuna.
Takota shifts a little in his bed then falls out of it and hits his head. Yuna hears the thump and rushes into Takota’s room.
“Are you ok?”
“I am ok” Takota said with a smile.
“You better hurry or you will be late for your training at the guild.”
“I know” Takota said as he rushed to get his training outfit on then rushed out the door.
Chapter two
The awakening
Takota was walking down the road to his friend's house. Just as he was about to open the door his friend Zamikari opened the door and bumped into him. Zamikari looked down.
“Sorry Takota” Zamikari said helping him up.
“Ready to go?” asked Takota.
“Yea” said Zamikari. They both ran to Guild.
“State your business” said the guard.
“We are here to start our training” said Takota and Zamikari at the same time.
“Open the gates” said the guard. They both ran into the guild.
“Ah, there you two are. I was wondering when you would show up” said the guild master. |
The main problems there were capital letters and having two different people speaking on the same line.
The storyline and background's to the story are good. Keep up the work and be careful about the capital letters. Remember, capital letters are only used for names and the beginning's of sentences. 
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B. Death himself.
C. Undead.
D. An evil manifestation of all the evil thoughts that any and all humans have every imagined in a human-like form. |
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| zamikari |
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Posted:
Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:32 pm |
Chocobo Raiser
Age: 16
Joined: 15 Jul 2008
Posts: 68
Karma: 37
Location: On the path of Twlight
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thanks for the feed back. I know it needs some work but I am working on that It's been a while and I am 16 now and found a way to get my work published. Wish me luck on that. My Language Arts teachers want me to spread my work and signed me up for the poetry slam. I hope I do well Thanks
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