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 User is Offline Smile   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 5:23 am
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Story time

Story time roflmao

My story i am in the progress of making..
The War Of The Guns.


Tom shouted 'Watch out!' The guns were pounding at me.I jumped out of the way but i was shot in the chest luckly it wasnt the heart.I Thought of hitler and what he had done to his men and our country.Then a idea struck me but i didnt have acsess to the rocket launcher.I had to talk to my captain but i couldnt.Ge was half a mile over the other battlefield.It is a fatal decsion.But is one time or never.I thought i should take the risk and run for my country to my captain.I ran as fast as i could but someone shot my leg so i was crippled and was not able to run that fast,I must get some help there was a trench near by and i ran too it there was only one person and he was wounded,The others must of bled to death,
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 User is Offline Smile   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 5:41 am
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Tom shouted 'Watch out!' The guns were pounding at me.I jumped out of the way but i was shot in the chest luckly it wasnt the heart.I Thought of hitler and what he had done to his men and our country.Then a idea struck me but i didnt have acsess to the rocket launcher.I had to talk to my captain but i couldnt.Ge was half a mile over the other battlefield.It is a fatal decsion.But is one time or never.I thought i should take the risk and run for my country to my captain.I ran as fast as i could but someone shot my leg so i was crippled and was not able to run that fast,I must get some help there was a trench near by and i ran too it there was only one person and he was wounded,The others must of bled to death,I helped him up and got a medic from a trench about a couple of feet away.I was scared...Neverous..What if i didnt make it i kept thinking to myself but there was no time for thinking no time for mucking about no time for anything but to think about getting to my captain.Tom came running after me beacuse he thought i was crazy..I told him the plan..and he said 'It's too risky..' And i said 'Well life is full of risks and this is one of them' I threw some grenades over to the machine guns i heard someone yelp,Then i grinned.I wonder what the germans are thinking.Thats what i kept in my head for quite a few hours.I laughed at the thought of hitler trying to blow us up but he blew his own men up but that wouldnt be fair on the soldiers..Well enough of that talk we gotta go find captain Ryan...I spotted him with my binoculars and we all started to run too him.Accept the wounded man could run fast.I thought he broke his leg or something.But we got to the captain in Half an hour.I said too him 'If i am aloud to use the rocket launcher i know how we could defeat the machine guns that are killing everybody and it wont be a great loss to the peoples.I know there is a risk that we miss and we draw attention but there is no time like ive said before its now or never.' i finally presauded him too let me use it and the other man get off.I missed once but the second time i done it without getting hit! I was so happy i could do anything.But now we have to do i the other side without getting killed so me and captain had to take the rocket launcher over to the other side.I looked behind and see what the others were doing they werent there than i looked in front of me and ryan and they were at the other side.What if they got hit.And guess what Tom got hit and by the time we got there he would be dead i told captain and we decided to wait for a while and pray to god he had a went to heven.Tom never done anything wrong to anyone he was a nice friendly man.I had a quick flashback of all the good times together then i heard Ryan say 'Wake up!Wake up god damn it!'.Woah i must of fell asleep just then.

Added more =P
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 User is Offline Shandris   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 5:43 am
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i believe this is the wrong section for this Razz
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 User is Offline elephant_lost   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 6:06 am
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Yeah shouldn't this be in the Writer's Block?
Neutral
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 User is Offline Smile   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 8:41 am
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idc tbh
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 User is Offline Shandris   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 8:46 am
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well you should care...also using normal words wouldnt hurt you
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 User is Offline Smile   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:01 am
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I dont have to do what ever you want i can do what i want
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 User is Offline elephant_lost   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:11 am
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Smile she didn't TELL you to do anything
And don't be rude to her
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 User is Offline Shandris   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:21 am
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-.- whatever...but next time dont ask me why i dont like you
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 User is Offline Cecil the Paladin   PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 1:47 pm
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The story makes very little sense.........

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 User is Offline seifer   PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:52 am
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Smile wrote:
I dont have to do what ever you want i can do what i want


just to be clear i hate english (as it is in a class). the whole idea of going over grammer and all that other crap seems silly to me now, but thankfully i did retain some of it. Afterall, without language, and the proper use of it, all of civilzations ideas and breakthroughs would be lost. now that that is out of the way...

First off, punctuation is a plus (im talking about things other than the sparse periods you have). Second, spaces after said periods are a good call if you want people to read anything you write and even more so, take you seriously.

other than that i dont have much to say because i didn't read it. revise it probably? and maybe use paragraphs or something.

if i came of as being rude, i apologize, i just hate when people are rude for no reason, like you were with the post i quoted. good luck and don't stop writing, just try and do better.

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