Advent Child
Age: 18
Joined: 04 Sep 2006
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Location: Quaerius
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Flame Heart ~Prologue~
Well. I'm writing three novels at the moment. None of them are finished, but all are getting far.
I'd like to see how people react to the prologue of the second book called Flame Heart. Everything in all of my novels belong to me. They were created by me, and they will be published by me.
Prologue
Serafinum, long ago, was just one planet molded by The Nameless, the High Goddess Arasetta’s twin brother, and was only dark and barren, holding nothing but the grief that Heaven had brought him, as They shrouded the Nameless in Darkness. He was fine living there, only staring at this large planet which he had created, living his days in seclusion and in silence.
Arasetta, feeling sympathy for her only brother, peered into the Darkness to see if he was still well, and saw in horror at what her brother had become. The Dark had slowly devoured his soul over time, and The Nameless had become selfish, and his appearance had become a Shadow. Arasetta called to him, to come visit Her in the Light, but The Nameless refused. He was happy with His one planet, and all of His grief.
Angered that the Nameless refused her love and sympathy, Arasetta herself walked into the Dark, and took Her brother’s planet away from Him. Arasetta shattered the planet, which was Her brother’s only treasure, into four smaller pieces, and The Nameless knew hate, which he had never felt before. He brought the Darkness around her, hoping it might devour Arasetta’s soul as well, but it did not. She took it in Her hands and made it smaller, and smaller, until She contained it in a small piece of Heaven, barred by a large door.
She locked it with a special key so that The Nameless might not be tempted to come for His planet again. She frowned at the lack of universal balance, and took the broken planet and started to make a galaxy. She called it Serafinum. The Nameless hated, even loathed his sister for breaking his only treasure, and went back into the Dark to plan against Her.
Arasetta heard of this, and the moment The Nameless tried to attack Her, She consumed Him in a great light, confining Him into the center if it, and making it a star. She was saddened at how She had imprisoned Her brother, and hoping to make Him happier, She placed the star he was trapped inside in the center of Serafinum, and the broken planet pieces began to revolve around it.
She called the largest one, her favorite, Quaerius and put a ring of energy around it. The smallest one she called Vetra, and second largest one she called Kyrke, but she couldn’t name the medium sized piece. Arasetta thought of her friend, and called her to see if she could help her name this last planet. High Goddess Daiinxa looked at the planet and decided to call it Behkai. Arasetta thanked Her and gave the planet to her dear friend. Daiinxa treasured it, and Serafinum began.
Several eons later, when eight of the Nine Children of Arasetta were placed in the sky, the Darkness began to get out of control. Arasetta needed the Ninth Child to be able to control the darkness, and pass Judgement on the Dead. She prepared the Ninth Child as a mortal, so that he might know his place in Heaven. When his mortal life had expired, the Ninth Child was reborn in Heaven.
Another eon passed, but something seemed more than wrong. The black star in the center of Serafinum had grown, and the planets seemed to be getting closer and closer together. The Nameless was no longer happy enough just being in the center of his broken planet. He wanted to see it whole. And so it was.
He broke free from his prison, molded Serafinum into a single planet once more, unlocked the door to the Dark. Slowly, The Nameless was taking over the Darkness and the Ninth Child could no longer hold him back. The Ninth Child barred the doors to the Dark, and all the Children, Holys, Arasetta, and Daiinxa made plans to answer a mortal priestess’s prayers.
I'd really like some critique, if that would be okay?
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